"It effects are quite like that of magic mushrooms" Said Agent K, "But obviously, it's synthetic... I can't think of a name for it though!"
"Can i give it a name?!" squealed Agent R "Let's call it... Hobbit!"
---
A month later, i arrived at a friends housewarming party. I was a few hours late. I was greeted at the door by someone quite drunk "Hi! I'm so glad you came! We're all drunk already!"
"Haha, that's fine... I'll just have to catch up!" I replied, striding into the living room.
"Well if you want to catch up, you'll need to have this too." She whispered, opening her palm to reveal a messily ripped piece of paper. "It's new... it's called 'Hobbit'."
Everyone had already taken this strangely named substance. I was quite apprehensive, as the last "New" drug I tried - Mephedrone - was infamous for making you feel like your oesophagus was dissolving, and the restless, dreadful withdrawal symptoms it left you with as soon as you started to come down, that left you begging for more.
It didn't help that no-one at the party could explain what it was hobbit was supposed to do, so i prepared myself to experience something similar to the effects of Mephedrone.
An hour later, I was still sober, watching my friends roll around the floor in laughter. "EVERYTHING IS SO FUNNY. EVEN THIS SENTENCE IS HILARIOUS!" Someone shouted at me, before running out of the living room. I didn't laugh.
I ate a peanut and suddenly felt like my gastric band was about to explode. I commented on that and my friend said "I felt like that half an hour ago, and now everything is beautiful!"
I spent the next half an hour waiting for whatever god damned epiphany it was that I was supposed to receive. It didn't come, so i burst open the door to the bedroom that everyone was partying in (yes, i'd been wondering around alone), and was greeted by such an insane scene, i couldn't help but laugh. I caught Laura's eye and she laughed at me. I laughed because she was laughing, and she laughed because I was laughing, and everyone else was laughing at everyone else who was also laughing at everyone else. The bed looked so soft, so i closed the door and lay on it and just laughed at how ridiculous the whole world was for about 10 minutes, while everyone else rolled around laughing around me. Then i realised that i'd had the long awaited epiphany!
We all spent the next few hours marvelling at everything around us, and at the words leaving our mouths. Conversation turned into an art form;
"I'm going to leave and get some drinks"
"Look where your foot is! Why don't you leave and get some tables to replace the one you're about to kick."
"Well i wouldn't kick the table if the chair I was on wasn't so far away from the wall"
"Well blame the builders for walling the wall like that!" was the form most conversations took that night; they seemed poetic to us, but were actually moronic and tinged with angst.
The angst got a bit too much at one point, when somebody had a fight with a statue of a dog and we all argued about who may have started it.
Another hour or so later and some of us ventured out of the room to find some hairspray, because "I need to spray my hair with some hairspray! Haha, how funny. spray hair. hair spray."
So my friends sprayed their hair while i sat on the bed and watched. They left the room, but I was suddenly too scared to return to the party. I sat on the bed wondering if everyone was talking about me. I pondered this idea for an hour before I got the courage to return to the room. But the paranoia wouldn't go. A few of us had this nausiating feeling throughout the night, which in fact, for me, made the low lower than the high was high, and so maybe made the drug not worth taking. But I suppose that's why we don't do this sort of thing all the time.
For a 'new' drug, though, Hobbit trumped Mephedrone, hands down. Agent K has since informed me that the more you take, the more psychadelic the experience wil become. So maybe that's an option for the future.
So, the hysteria/paranoia subsided, we ordered a Chinese, and eventually all went home late the next evening.
But that wasn't the last i'd heard from the Hobbit...*
(*To be Continued)
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