Sunday, 31 January 2010


So this is my first rant. I don't like ranting so i will try and keep it short. I think i'll start on a positive.

I used to go to Nando's on the odd occasion. I went about 3 weeks ago and was given a loyalty card. Clever things those are. I've since been 5 times. So i went to get cash out to go again and earn myself a half chicken, and noticed that my bank balance was a lot higher than i thought it was. I got a mini statement. Today is the 31st January 2010. On the 1st February 2010, £462 was paid into my account. That's tomorrow. But it's already there. I jumped for joy at the cash machine at receiving money from the future. I didn't stop to think that the only person with the ability to send money back in time is Benjamin Linus.
So then i went to Nando's and got my stamp.
Then, after having spent £70 on my Oyster card in the past month, i bought a bicycle, to save monies in the future. To celebrate having a bike me and my friend decided to go and see Precious in the cinema. And here's where the rant starts. I bought my bike on Brick lane. No cinemas in Brick Lane. So the closest cinema was Leicester Square. Got on the tube at liverpool street. ''LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BICYCLES ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THE CENTRAL LINE AT ANY TIME. BICYCLES ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THE CENTRAL LINE!!! NOT ALLOWED!!!'' Oh. He's talking to me. So me and my friend looked at the tube map for a while, and decided that he would get the central line to the cinema. Me, not being the sort of person to have google maps on their mobile phone, had to do my best with the geographical knowledge i had. So i got the hammersmith and City line to Euston square, and rode my bike from their to Leicester square.

I'll intersperse here with a review of Precious. Starts quite traumatically. You learn to love Mo'nique. And you can't help but wander 'Is that REALLY what Mariah Carey looks like without makeup? and whats that funny line above her lip? Did she have botox? Oh no, Precious is having another rape flash back! Cover your eyes!'
You cry near the end. And it makes you want to name your children Mongoloid.

So then the film was over. I had decided to go to Wembley to have Sunday Dinner with my family. I had previously learned that bicycles were not allowed on certain tube lines, so i decided to re-ride back to Euston and get the overground to Wembley.
Ok so this is where the story gets really difficult to understand. I don't want you to understand it. I want you to be just as confused as i was.
Rode there, "No Bakerloo line or London overground."
Ok, so i will got Euston Square and get the Metropolitan line to Wembley Park, so i went to Euston Square and waited on the platform, but no Metropolitan line, so i figured get the Hammersmith and City line train to Paddington then see what happens. So i got off at Paddington to get the Metropolitan Line to Wembley Park. "No Metropolitan Line."
Oh that's fine. I'll just get the Jubilee line. "I'm sorry sir, bikes are not allowed on the jubilee line between paddington and St Johns Wood."
"But st. Johns wood is the next stop?"
"Yes. you can get on at st. johns wood and go to wembley, but you need to leave the underground here and cycle to St. Johns wood. Or go to marleybone and get a chilternam train to wembley stadium."
"Ok i think i will just ride my bike to St Johns wood. Can i go through this gate?"
"No. sorry. You have to carry your bike down those stairs, then up the stairs at the other side and leave there."
So i do the bike carrying, ride from PADDINGTON to ST JOHNS WOOD, realising i know more geography than i thought, and find St Johns Wood to be closed. So i decide to ride to Finchley road.
On the way i pass Swiss Cottage Station, and notice that both 'Swiss' and 'Cottage' are types of cheese. Then while focusing on the bus lane, i came up with a remix to 'LoveGame' ... it went like ''Lets ride our bikes, our legs are fit, i wanna take a ride with suspension gears. Lets drive in BusLanes, drive in BusLanes, do you ride bikes, in a bus lane? on the bus lane. On the bus lane."
As you can probably tell, by this point i wasn't angry any more. I got on at finchely road, and saw a nice advert on the tube. I thought that for all TFL didn't do for me today, i could not do something in return for them, so i stole the advert:

Ignore the love heart, instead focus on the names of the locations. <3 'Picalilli Circus'. Also notice my ever whitening teeth. Peace.

Moral: Whatever TFL throws at you; take something back.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Before I Forget

Went to see La Clique this month, which was 5*. I forgot to mention i went to see PEACHES last month who gets 6*.

Maybe Februarys performance will garner a 7th star?

Ladies of the Underground II

Jealousy - It wears flat shoes and pretends to be your friend.

I enjoy her gothic eye shadow, gothic hair style, and gothic leg warmers.

La Clique

Went to see La Clique in the Roundhouse in Camden. It's like a circus, but more intimate. There were a lot of acts. The highlight, for me, was a naked woman pulling a handkerchief out of her vagina, then making it disappear. Only later did we discover that one of the magicians had procured said handkerchief, to use to wipe the sweat off his mouth.
The lowlight was a Freddy Mercury lookalike flicking a huge piece of sodden Banana into the crowd. It landed on me.

Since moving into my grandparents i haven't had the internet. This has forced me to use other applications, like iMovie. I didn't read the instruction manual, so forgive me for the video editing below. And turn your volume down.

Ok that's possibly the worst video i've ever seen. Be aware, cameras were strictly forbidden, so i did well.
Also, after watching it back, i have noticed a lot of spinning round in that show.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010


Poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.
Biggest Earthquake in 200 years.
Tens of Thousands dead. Possibly hundreds.
Imagine if it were you.

Donate to Haiti Aid

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

More Lego

Maybe in Season 6, Kate will be a Lesbian:

And maybe Hurley will have a more generic body size:


The new year brought with it two things for most of us.


Snow. This was good. "Wow. it's been snowing for so long! So much fun!"
But now i find my self wandering "Ok, it hasn't snowed in a week. WHY is the pavement still covered in ice? And why does the air still sting my face?"


University. As much fun as this sounds, and as much as i would love a bit more of a routine in my life, i won't be 'Disarming UCL' in this weather.

in anticipation of February, i didn't go to university at the start of term. I stayed at home and got a bit Lost...

All Season One of it to be precise. Tomorrow Season Two. And if I don't die of Atrophy, eventually Season 6 in February.

So the message i'm trying to get across is that, if you have a choice between going to University and learning, or going to University and not learning, you should just instead prepare yourself for the final season of the best show ever. If you're less Obsessive Compulsive than I and won't watch 80 hours of television, just watch this:

Lego Locke


Monday, 4 January 2010


I have the Energy and the will power to focus on the atrocious decade we all just had, with a lot of disasters, natural and man made;

I could even talk about the possible atrocities of this present decade;

But i honestly just think, if we all just did things like wore wigs and danced in front of wind machines, at least once a year, then the feeling of happiness we would gain from that, would sweep everything bad away, in a big, hippyish, ignorant tidal wave;