Happy Holidays

The things no Christmas day is complete without:

Gluttony.


Gifts/ Doctor Who.


Sloth.




Relatives.


Until Next year... Don't mess with me, Blud.

On the Third day of Christmas

OMG i'm so full up right now. Got up very late, which resulted in starting the starter of christmas dinner NINETY minutes after finishing the christmas breakfast. Which resulted in lots of moaning, and belly rubbing and naps on several family members behalves. The belly still has a life of it's own, so i won't stay long, just give y'all what i promised. This is me singing Britney Spears, and my Mother, of all people, lip-synching. Circa 1998.

Merry Christmas

xxx

An Illustrated Christmas Fable.

I'm sure i'll be forgiven for thinking that the third day of Christmas (Christmas day) was today. A simple maths error. You will have to wait until tomorrow to hear me Sing Britney Spears. Moving swiftly on.

I didn't go to bed last night, which would explain why i was up before dawn. Being up before dawn doesn't happen often for me. It caused me to be inspired. So i wrote a nice page of words about Vanuatu, and decided to take my dog to the park for sunrise. Like this:



The only problem was Wembley Council decided to invest in fences and padlocks. Like this:



My dad, being Jesus, would probably have a key for such a padlock. Why would a man have so many keys, if not to open locks?



Alas, none of the Keys would fit. Not ones to give up, we found a hole in the fence, we slipped our collars off and we slid through the hole. Alas, on the other side of the fence, one of us refused to put his collar back on and chose instead to chase the park ranger. Imagine seeing a white wolf like dog, without a collar chasing you in a locked park. Shityapants! He just drove away quickly, and i spent twenty minutes trying to get Kasper re-collared, using methods like this:



Eventually we were re-collared, and started taking pictures of ourself playing rugby, like this:







Then we took picture of the both of us playing games together. Like this:





Then i thought it would be funny to watch Kasper trip over, by throwing his ball onto the ice, like this:



Only problem is, SOMEONE is a big fat PUSSY cat. And could sniff the danger on the ice. That left me to get to get the ball myself, which was quite a soggy mission.

Morals:
Collars should not be removed.
Dads are not Jesus.
Dogs should not be bullied.
Enjoy the Snow.

On the Second day of Christmas

Here, as promised is another video from the 90's. It had the potential to be a really good performance. Alas my dad couldn't help but both mess with the special effects button, and laugh like a primate would.
Also notice my twelve year old sisters amazing singing, and my lyrical knowledge at such a young age!



Tomorrow, we get to see what happens when I am the one singing. And what do i sing? You wouldn't believe it were it fiction. Britney Spears.

On the First day of Christmas...

In my world, Christmas has three days; today, tomorrow and the day after. So over the three days of Christmas i will be presenting you with three very happy video clips of me. Aged 8.

Here is clip one. It is of me laughing, my sister attacking me, then my sister beginning to sing 'My heart will go on'. There is also a voice over from my father near the end, reminding everyone of my childhood eating habits.

Ladies of the Underground, Part I

Ladies of the Underground.

I do believe I've found myself a recurring feature for you to endurejoy!

Basically, I've combined my love of Voyeurism with my love of the female figure, and my love of the London Underground to bring you some pictures of women i found amusing, and who more than likely found me disturbing.

This lady was wearing beautiful glasses, and was giving herself one of those fake-blow-jobs with her tongue. I thought a screen shot would suffice rather than a rackety video:


I think perhaps she had something going with the very exited revellers either side of her?

And here, there are several things which draw our attention. I can't decide what's more enjoyable; Saffy Monsoon, daughter of Edina, sitting opposite me, or the clearly unrelated, unfeline, twin Leopards in the background... fierce!

Snow Angels

Seeing as Clare Deal and I were galavanting in the Pacific when England became a snowy wonderland back in february, we took our opportunity to do the snowiest thing we've done in 2009 (and that i've done my whole life actually). We rolled down this tiny knoll once each, slipped on the ice, had a snowball face, attacked an office lady with a ball, and then made angels. Until next year...

Juxtaposition

It appears that I started writing a blog roughly nine months later than I should have. If i had started in January, I could have had entries titled
"SWIMMING WITH WILD DOLPHINS!"
"SKYDIVING!!!"
"SCUBA DIVING!"
and told countless stories about living on a desert island, with someone a bit mentally unbalanced and a lot of hilarious, self proclaimed 'Black men'.

But i didn't do that. I actually started this blog in October. The start of Winter, and the start of University. So now my blog entries have titles like "Juxtapositions", which describe the mundanities of my life. Except i am now actually equally exited by what i am about to show you as i was doing the above things. Which sums up how really fun going to UCL can be!

So i literally just spent 96 hours in my bed, lying to myself that having Microsoft Word opened (yet minimised) and booklets scattered all around me would equate to getting my essays done on time. Those things didn't equate to that, which is why only 10 of those 96 hours were spent sleeping. I did eventually get the essays done on time, as always... Exhausted and totally derived of protein, I needed meat, and I needed it now! So here comes Juxtaposition one; i went to McDonalds, which i vowed in august never to do again:



How sexy does that meal look though!
This meal came with several more juxtapositions, like how i bought bottled water after writing, for 2000 words, an essay ALL ABOUT the disgracefullness of bottled water itself. Literally, that is what my essay was about. Also the juxtaposition of how happy I was to eat this, but how sad my belly felt afterwards. And the last juxtaposition, on my way home, was how the legging on this girls left leg doesn't seem to juxtapose the fact that she's an idiot!

This Weeks Letter.

Following my recent trend of letter based entries, this weeks letter is F.
So here are three pictures that basically sum up the letter F and what it means to me in my life.


FEMALES

Any man following my blog will already know a lot of things about Abigail. The one thing such a man wouldn't know is what she actually looks like. So here is she. This is the woman who single handedly made me stay at University:



Fitness


This is more of a shocking side note. We all know that the average human walking speed is about 2 Miles per hour. We all also know that the human heart beats at around 1 beat a second or something healthy like that. But what we don't know is that when Lukas walks at 3.5 miles per hour (slow enough to take a photo of the treadmill), he technically dies:




FASHION

Fashion is a big part of my life, and I envy such Bloggers as "The Sartorialist", so i've decided to start my own version. It's basically the most fashionable outfits i see at University. Here's my friend Raymond (Who now makes the list of people who can never read my blog twice as big as it was before) rocking a nice beige number:



Keep doing what you do Rayray! xxx