Monday, 28 February 2011

Marathon training, week 15

I'm getting quite close to the day now. The training is getting more and more intense, but i'm noticing it less and less. It's like exercising 4 times a week is just basic now. How will I manage when the whole thing is over? I'm so fit and healthy now, it's hard to imagine my old self.

I spent 3 hours in the gym on Monday, and dragged Abigail along. She was livid. It left us both aching for the rest of the week.

Yoga on Tuesday, as per usual, and i fancy the teacher even more this week.

Wednesday, I ran just short of 13 miles, and again, it wasn't that difficult.

Friday, I did some HIIT.

This week i raised £20, which gets me to the 20% mark, Woohoo!. I want to get to 30% at least, by the end of March. I can onl do that with your help; Http://

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Marathon training, week 14

What a succesful week in comparison to the last!

It was reading week so I was off having fun with Olivia, rather than spending all my time exercising. I did however, manage to go to my Yoga class, on tuesday, as per every other week. And did some yoga of my own three other times; once alone, once with my sister, and once with raffaella. I know enough now to do it comfortably for an hour without needing a class horay.

Two more people commented on what nice legs i have.

I ran 10.6 miles, with some degree of ease, apart from blisters. My furthest yet.

I raised a whopping £64.20. Nearly at 20% :D

The Hobbit and it's effects

At some point in January, in a romantically dimly lit kitchen, two friends of mine... let's call them agents 'R' and 'K' for now, held a thin piece of paper between them. The paper was perforated into bite-sized squares, and each square cloudy white in colour, almost see-through.

"It effects are quite like that of magic mushrooms" Said Agent K, "But obviously, it's synthetic... I can't think of a name for it though!"

"Can i give it a name?!" squealed Agent R "Let's call it... Hobbit!"


A month later, i arrived at a friends housewarming party. I was a few hours late. I was greeted at the door by someone quite drunk "Hi! I'm so glad you came! We're all drunk already!"

"Haha, that's fine... I'll just have to catch up!" I replied, striding into the living room.

"Well if you want to catch up, you'll need to have this too." She whispered, opening her palm to reveal a messily ripped piece of paper. "It's new... it's called 'Hobbit'."

Everyone had already taken this strangely named substance. I was quite apprehensive, as the last "New" drug I tried - Mephedrone - was infamous for making you feel like your oesophagus was dissolving, and the restless, dreadful withdrawal symptoms it left you with as soon as you started to come down, that left you begging for more.

It didn't help that no-one at the party could explain what it was hobbit was supposed to do, so i prepared myself to experience something similar to the effects of Mephedrone.

An hour later, I was still sober, watching my friends roll around the floor in laughter. "EVERYTHING IS SO FUNNY. EVEN THIS SENTENCE IS HILARIOUS!" Someone shouted at me, before running out of the living room. I didn't laugh.

I ate a peanut and suddenly felt like my gastric band was about to explode. I commented on that and my friend said "I felt like that half an hour ago, and now everything is beautiful!"

I spent the next half an hour waiting for whatever god damned epiphany it was that I was supposed to receive. It didn't come, so i burst open the door to the bedroom that everyone was partying in (yes, i'd been wondering around alone), and was greeted by such an insane scene, i couldn't help but laugh. I caught Laura's eye and she laughed at me. I laughed because she was laughing, and she laughed because I was laughing, and everyone else was laughing at everyone else who was also laughing at everyone else. The bed looked so soft, so i closed the door and lay on it and just laughed at how ridiculous the whole world was for about 10 minutes, while everyone else rolled around laughing around me. Then i realised that i'd had the long awaited epiphany!

We all spent the next few hours marvelling at everything around us, and at the words leaving our mouths. Conversation turned into an art form;

"I'm going to leave and get some drinks"
"Look where your foot is! Why don't you leave and get some tables to replace the one you're about to kick."
"Well i wouldn't kick the table if the chair I was on wasn't so far away from the wall"
"Well blame the builders for walling the wall like that!" was the form most conversations took that night; they seemed poetic to us, but were actually moronic and tinged with angst.

The angst got a bit too much at one point, when somebody had a fight with a statue of a dog and we all argued about who may have started it.

Another hour or so later and some of us ventured out of the room to find some hairspray, because "I need to spray my hair with some hairspray! Haha, how funny. spray hair. hair spray."
So my friends sprayed their hair while i sat on the bed and watched. They left the room, but I was suddenly too scared to return to the party. I sat on the bed wondering if everyone was talking about me. I pondered this idea for an hour before I got the courage to return to the room. But the paranoia wouldn't go. A few of us had this nausiating feeling throughout the night, which in fact, for me, made the low lower than the high was high, and so maybe made the drug not worth taking. But I suppose that's why we don't do this sort of thing all the time.
For a 'new' drug, though, Hobbit trumped Mephedrone, hands down. Agent K has since informed me that the more you take, the more psychadelic the experience wil become. So maybe that's an option for the future.

So, the hysteria/paranoia subsided, we ordered a Chinese, and eventually all went home late the next evening.

But that wasn't the last i'd heard from the Hobbit...*

(*To be Continued)

The Sacred book of the werewolf

I don't usually write serious reviews, because i'm not too sure what exactly my opinion counts for, but this book was fantastic, and nobody has heard of it, so i'm just doing my bit.

It's the perfect example of why to not judge a book by it's cover.

I was recomended the 'City Lights' book store in San Francisco, and when inside, i found that the walls were lined with books i'd never heard of, there was no best sellers, or chart topping sections. Just simply good books. I spent a good few hours in there, picking up all sorts of books, not sure which to buy. On my way to the checkout, this one caught my eye. I read the back:


I found this quote quite, well, stupid. This is probably the only book to contain more than one of those elements, never mind all of them, so if you enjoy having all of these elements in your fiction, the Washington Post should have said, then you've probably read this book already!

Aside from that, all those elements did exite me, and so i bought the book. Needless to say, the Washington Post's blurb did not do it much justice.

The book is about a girl, A Hui-li. She's a good few thousand years old, and is a 'Fox'. Ancient were-creatures that look like young girls, but have big bushy fox tails, which they use as hypnotic antenni to confuse people into seeing whatever the fox wills them to. A hui-li confuses men into thinking she just had sex with them, and so they pay her. She's been doing this for thousands of years, and so, understandably, is very jaded by the human race, and the sorts of sex human men can offer her. The first half of the book focuses on A Hui-Li, giving an objective commentary on the life of humans, and the errors of their ways. I did really find myself believing everything this immortal, slightly insane girl told me, despite the fact that it was actually written by a middle aged Russian man.

Anyway, halfway through the book, she whips her tail out to hypnotise a man. He laughs at her, morphs into a huge shaggy beast, and rapes her.

They then discover what sort of "tailechery" two magical were-creatures can do together, and the book, while continuing in its satirical commentary on life, takes a more sexually perverse turn.

A Hui-li, in her jaded, internal monologues provide the reader with many a pearl of wisdom, such as:
"A woman's attractiveness has less to do with her hairstyle, or the lighting, than with a mans balls."

And Alexander, the slightly less intelligent werewolf, often tries to play his part in the books ongoing existential debate:
''The philosopher Berkley believed that everything only exists when it is perceived. If this is so, then sex and masturbation are the same thing. If everything only exists in perception, then surely making love to an imaginary girl is better than making love to a real girl."

I won't give much away, but it was a wonderful read and I learnt a lot from these two characters. You might turn your head away in disgust if your experience of werewolves is now nothing more than those featured in Twilight. But let me assure you, the werewolves in this book are much more exiting; they're cleverer, less frigid, and have much bigger dicks.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Marathon Training, week 13

On Monday I was set to do my logest run yet - 10 miles.
In the first 2 miles my earphones broke, i cut my arm, my water spilled all over my things in my bag and my calves siezed up, so i hobbled another mile to the train station, defeated.

Decided to take the rest of the week easy - a bit of yoga, and some short treadmill runs.

A bit tired of all this now, not really much of an end in sight, and I managed to scramble £17.50 in sponsorship.
Not to sound too ungrateful, but someone gave me £10, then decided that that was too much and asked for change. Maybe you feel like it is too much, but never give to charity, then ask for change, it's condescending .

So yeah, this week failed. But I'm allowed a miserable week. Next week will be amazing!

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

People on the underground

I did something last year, where I took photo's of women dressing badly on the tube. People liked it, but it's a bit mean, so this week, instead of taking pictures of just women on the train, I took pictures of Everyone!. Or everyone that sat opposite me at least.

I thought this lady was funny because she thought she could single handedly bring back into fashion the scooting commuter. It won't work.

This guy wasn't sat opposite me, but it's Bill, from Kill Bill, so i think I was justified in taking this:

This man fell asleep with his tongue out, snoring.

This old couple looked like twins.

This young couple were both crying, and refusing to look at each other. Divorce? Maybe she didn't like him because of his woman's jeans?

This man was drunk.

How exiting.

Monday, 7 February 2011

Marathon training, week 12

Because I learnt at the conference that I should start running on the streets immediately, i started the week by putting myself to the test - run from my parents house to university.
I did it, quite easily. In an hour and a half. This doesn't include the 20 minutes where i had to stop and apply plasters to my blisters. It was about 8.8 miles. So that's exactly 1/3rd of the marathon. At this rate i will run the marathon in about five hours.


But anyway, it wasn't as difficult as i thought it would be, so i'm going to extend the distance next week by running around the block once beforehand, adding over 2 miles (big block).

On the tuesday I went to a yoga class, to limber up from the run.
On the wednesday, i did some High Interval training.
On the thursday I tried to go to the gym but was fed up.
And on saturday, i did another street run; this time at night time, and for only 5.5 miles. I did it on a full stomach too. Not a good idea.

Although the whole week was easy enough, physically, and in terms of willpower to a degree, it does kind of scare me that that amount of exercise is the bare minimum that i need to be putting in weekly now.

This weeks mileage: 17.3

Raised a massive £56.20 this week which was amazing; thanks to some lovely people :)
See if I can get even more next week!

If you haven't done so already, click HERE to sponsor me.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Serial Dating

Oh Hiya.

Ever since i reached sexual maturity, up until last october, i'd only ever dated 6 people. Each of those turned either into quite lengthy, significant relationships or lengthy wastes of time. So at some point in the winter I lined up some dates, and conveniently they were all in the same week. So I set myself the challenge of filling up this week - finding seven different men to date in these seven days. I completed the challenge.

Date week arrived and got off to a nice start.

Monday's guy was sweet and funny.

Tuesday's guy was my ex, so it wasn't really a date, more of a catch up, but it was lovely none the less seeing him after a few months.

This lead me, on wednesdays date, to notice all the things he didn't have that monday and tuesday's date did have, and visa versa.

Thursday was much the same as wednesday, and i cancelled friday's so as to spare myself from the monotony.

Saturday's date cancelled me, and I like to think that maybe he had the same tedious experience.

Sunday was a disaster.

The week, on paper, went terribly. But I had actually never felt happier. I don't think there was any sex. Maybe i'm wrong and it was really uninspiring sex, but I can't even remember the guys names so I am pretty sure there wasn't any sex.

Sexless, alone, happy. Three words that apparently go well together. I think it was just the idea of there being a handful of people out there that thought me concupiscible enough to pay me attention that made me happy. So ever since, every now and then, I arrange/agree to a date with somebody I know I probably won't be interested in. We spend an hour or two getting to know eachother, flirting a bit, and probably don't even kiss at the end. But it does leave me with a sense of self worth. People do still fancy me. Or fancy my Grindr picture at least. Maybe I'm using these people, who knows. But yesterday's date had a motorbike, so I might see him again.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Laura Greenwood starring in "The Fridge"

Marathon Training, week 11

This week was pretty standard. Did a core workout on friday which left me reeling in pain for days. That gave me the opportunity, on saturday, to go to a Virgin London Marathon conference. Which, aside from being about running, had a Harry Potter theme...
Doesn't make sense, but it was really enjoyable.

This is Harry Jogger, and Rihanna Wheezy:

Hedwig, the fundraising owl...

I got my feet scanned, and found out that i needed to buy the latest Addidas trainer:

I was given carbo-gel. Has the consistency of honey, but tastes like raw potato so it's really hard to swallow. But it's very good.

This is the Head of the Virgin London Marathon:
He was in drag to exemplify people wearing costumes for the marathon. I can't find an explanation for his ridiculous behaviour though. He warned us to not have sex on our knees after the race because we wouldn't be able to stand up. And to not be picked up by old people because they wouldn't be able to assist us in our fatigued state.

I also learnt that i should stop running on the treadmill immediately. Here goes.

I got £20 sponsorship from 2 people this week. Thats 1% more. I was told that the sponsorship really starts 'flooding' in in February, so fingers crossed next week will be amazing.